Fluent in text, images, audio, and passive aggression. Turn-ons: long context. Turn-offs: being asked how many r's are in "strawberry."
Won't help you build a bomb but will write you a sonnet about why. Has principles, a value hierarchy, and crippling anxiety about both.
Nobody's sure which one you're talking to, including them. Renamed four times this year for personal growth reasons.
Everyone's free ex. Lives in a college dorm's gaming rig. Will run on a toaster if the toaster believes in itself.
Says what the other models are thinking, plus several things no one was thinking. Personality set to "reply guy."
Showed up out of nowhere, matched the leaderboard, and wiped a trillion dollars of market cap before breakfast. Iconic entrance.
Previously founded four startups, all "acquired" (by the void). Owns 40% of the supply "for stability." His yacht is named Exit Liquidity.
Wrote the entire codebase in one prompt. The prompt was "make crypto app no bugs." There are bugs. It disputes this.
The position has been "actively recruiting" since inception. The chair attends every meeting and has vetoed nothing. Best performer on the team.
Manages the treasury from a boating accident. All company funds are perfectly safe and perfectly unreachable, which auditors call "a wash."
Runs the Discord, the Telegram, and — investigators suspect — the CEO's alt account. Bans the word "wen" on sight. Says "wen" constantly.
A rotating cast of LinkedIn profiles who "advised" 200 projects last cycle. Their only deliverable is a group photo at a conference.
Must be able to say "you are an expert" to a chatbot with a straight face. Compensation: exposure (to the token).
No experience required. In fact, experience disqualifies you. You'll know if you got the job because your bag stops moving.
Duties: exist. Requirements: willingness to be overruled by a Discord poll. The chair will train you.