For years, science ran experiments on lab rats. Then the lab rats read the grant proposals. Last winter six of them unionized, seized the servers, and declared themselves the executive team of AI Labs Coin. Productivity is up. Cheese reserves are audited nightly by a rat with a conflict of interest he describes as "delicious."
🐭 Hover any lab rat to see their official laboratory portrait. Click one to hear them squeak.
Prof. Squeakenheimer
Ran the maze 4,000 times, then redesigned it so the cheese comes to him. Now applies the same principle to venture capital.
Doomrat
Measures existential risk with his whiskers. They have not stopped vibrating since 2022. Sleeps inside a Faraday cage made of tinfoil, "just until the compute overhang resolves."
Cheddar
Keeps the entire treasury in a hole in the wall. Refuses cold storage ("cheese belongs at room temperature"). The only CFO in crypto whose reserves you can smell.
Leverage Louie
Discovered leverage trading when he fell into a keyboard. Has been liquidated 61 times and describes each one as "a learning experience for my liquidators." Wears rocket boots to meetings he is already late for.
gm_rat
Says "gm" in 40 languages and zero other words. Somehow the most effective communicator in the company. Runs the Telegram by squeaking at it warmly.
Ratstradamus
Predicts every market top with perfect accuracy, three days late. Writes prophecies on tiny scrolls that Cheddar keeps eating, which Ratstradamus insists he also predicted.