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Series ∞ · Pre-Revenue, Post-Shame

THE PITCH DECK

The deck that raised $2B in 40 minutes. Now declassified.
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AI LABS COIN

"Uber for AGI. Airbnb for alignment. Theranos for fun."

CONFIDENTIAL — please forward to everyone

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THE PROBLEM

Money exists.

But you have it. This is a massive inefficiency and, frankly, a market failure. We intend to correct it.

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THE SOLUTION

AI + Crypto

Two technologies nobody fully understands, combined so that questions about one can be answered with jargon from the other. This is called a flywheel.

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MARKET SIZE

$900 TRILLION

TAM: all money, plus money that doesn't exist yet, plus a conservative estimate of alien GDP. SAM: your money specifically. SOM: we already have it.

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THE PRODUCT

404

Product not found. But look at this deck. THIS is the product. You're using it right now. Engagement: 100%.

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TRACTION

📈

Up and to the right. Axes intentionally left blank (they were slowing us down). Y-axis available as a paid add-on for lead investors.

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BUSINESS MODEL

  • Step 1: Token
  • Step 2: Community ("marketing" was taken)
  • Step 3: ???
  • Step 4: The ??? is the business model
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COMPETITION

Slow & Honest
(legacy banks)
Fast & Honest
(does not exist)
Slow & Chaotic
(governments)
US 🚀
(fast & unburdened)

Every 2x2 in history has the presenter in the top right. Ours is no different. That's consistency.

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THE TEAM

👤 👤 🪑 👤

Ex-FAANG (fired), ex-crypto (exited), ex-McKinsey (recovering), and the empty chair you've read about. Combined experience: 45 years of pivoting.

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TOKENOMICS

100% TRUST

See our fully transparent tokenomics page. Do NOT press the audit button. Investor tip: never press audit buttons.

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THE ASK

$50M

For "vibes infrastructure." Use of funds: 40% GPUs, 30% yacht (mobile office), 20% legal (proactive), 10% a Super Bowl ad that just says "gm."

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EXIT STRATEGY

🚪

We are the only startup honest enough to include a literal picture of the exit. Follow-on rounds available for investors who enjoyed being exited on.

Thank you. Wires only. No questions at this time (or any time).

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Tip: arrow keys also work. So does wiring money for no reason, apparently.