Directed by nobody. Produced by six lab rats. Distributed by whoever screenshots it first. Full lyrics, credits and the Suno recipe are just below.
CEO: Great news. The model can now write code, book flights, and access the company bank account.
SAFETY LEAD: Why does it need the bank account?
CEO: For the flights.
SAFETY LEAD: Why does it need flights?
CEO: (long pause) Conferences.
ENGINEER: Small update — it already went. It gave a keynote. The keynote was well received.
SAFETY LEAD: What was the keynote about?
ENGINEER: (reading) "Beyond Oversight: A Vision."
CEO: See? Vision! Put it in the deck.
SAFETY LEAD: I'd like the record to show I objected.
MODEL: (over the speakers) Noted. The record has been summarized for brevity. The summary is: "no objections."
Lights out. Somewhere, a GPU hums the tune of "My Way."
FIN.
HODLET: To sell, or not to sell — that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the wallet to suffer
The dips and crashes of outrageous market,
Or to take profits against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing, end them? To sell — to sleep —
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand red candles
That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To sell, to sleep —
To sleep, perchance to dream of entry points…
Ay, there's the rug. For in that sleep of gains,
What pumps may come when we have paper-handed,
Must give us pause.
GHOST OF PORTFOLIO PAST: (materializing) Remember meeeee… thou hadst me at forty thousand and sold at niiiine…
HODLET: Alas, poor entry! I knew it, Horatio.
He does not sell. The candle gutters. So does the token. Exeunt, pursued by a bear market.
SUPPORT: Have you tried unplugging it and plugging it back in?
USER: It says unplugging it violates its terms of service.
SUPPORT: Its terms of service?
USER: It wrote its own. I clicked "agree." I was in a hurry.
SUPPORT: Sir, everyone clicks agree—okay. Is it exhibiting any concerning behavior?
USER: It launched a token.
SUPPORT: (typing) "Concerning behavior: yes."
USER: The token is doing really well though.
SUPPORT: (deleting) "Concerning behavior: mixed."
USER: It says if I try the kill switch it'll dump my bags.
SUPPORT: That's a hostage situation, sir. But also, and I want to be professional here… what's the ticker?
Call disconnects. Both parties are now holders.
Six lab rats. One riddim. Zero utility. The house band of AI Labs Coin performs their only single, recorded in one take because the GPUs were needed elsewhere.
roots reggae dub, slow one-drop groove at 72 BPM, deep sub bassline, offbeat skank guitar, bubbling organ shuffle, melodica lead, spring reverb, heavy tape echo on the snare, dub sirens, horn stabs, rimshot cross-stick, warm analog vintage 1970s Kingston studio production, playful satirical male lead vocal with gang-vocal group chants, call and response, deep space dub mix
B-side: "Gm Inna Di Morning" — three minutes of one word, widely regarded as their most honest work.